Sunday, July 31, 2005

Pour Some Sugar on Me......

Last night I had the odd oppurtunity to go to a Def Leppard/Bryan Adams concert in Schaumburg, Illinois. Schaumburg is a suburb of Chicago. A Western Suburb. I needed to clarify "Western Suburb" because the residents of the Chicago Burbs get really pissy about which direction they live in. Do not ever ask someone from Evanston if Evanston is west--they will hit you over the head with their fake Prada bag! Evanston is NORTH you bitches and don't ever forget it!

The abovesaid Def Leppard/Bryan Adams concert was at a Minor League baseball field. Weird, I know.
I usually feel like an outsider here in the Chicago Suburbs. I am originally from Oklahoma, but when I go back to Oklahoma to visit I feel like an outsider there also. I am like Little Girl Lost, or Man Without a Country. There are a couple of places I feel I fit in, but I cannot afford to live in New York City or Paris alas I will stay here in the burbs and complain constantly about it.

Now, I am a child of the 80's and 90's --so Def Leppard and Bryan Adams are right up my alley. Of course I knew all the words and rocked with the best of them! The people who go to Old School Rock Concerts in Schaumburg, Illinois are a VERY scary lot. Let me explain:
First off --Men of the Midwest ( I am not limiting this to only Chicago Suburbanites, and I am speaking mainly to straight men -- as the gay boys in Chicago do know how to dress)
I am talking the WHOLE MIDWEST--Please listen to the following public service announcement:
Mandals with the socks au gratin, denim shorts and Urlacher jerseys IS NOT A GOOD LOOK! And for the record--BLACK JEANS HAVE NOT MADE A COMEBACK.
The mandals =man sandal with the velcro straps that are usually brown -- are horrid with the socks au gratin, but last night I came to realize socks au gratin are much better than most of their bare feet. When a man would walk by in the mandals (minus the socks au gratin) I willed myself not to look..but like a bad wreck on the highway I HAD to look. Oh the carnage of mangled yellow toenails! It was awful! Do these men not SEE their feet? Their ginger root looking feet? Dirty feet?
Having said all that, I must admit I like the mandals better than the FREAKING DOC MARTINS--when will those ugly freakin shoes GO AWAY?

As I am an equal oppurtunity insulter I will also address the ladies of the Midwest. Now, the gals of the Midwest are an interesting crowd. I am not like any of them. Well--a few of them, but a VERY few.
The ladies in the Midwest (especially the Chicago Suburbs and Northern Indiana Suburbs) have a style that I like to call Suburb Chic. It is a triple play of pathetic. The 3 main ingredients are: A pair of Skechers (the tennis shoes), a scrunchie (for their hair) and a cigarette. Mom jeans, and tank top with no bra optional. And ladies of the midwest--just because you have your bellybutton pierced DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO SHOW US YOUR DOUGH LIKE WHITE BELLIES with the fake diamomd heart through your big stretched out navel.

As for the concert itself--it was really good. Def Leppard rocked and they were very energetic and very involved with the crowd. As far as I know it was all the original band members. The guitar players played with no shirts on --and they looked pretty good actually. The drummer with only one arm came out for a special hello. Bless his heart. I have a lot of memories with Def Leppard as the backgroudn music -especially the Hysteria CD (waves to Kelly). Bryan Adams looked hot, and from where I stood, I could not even see his pock marks. But I will say some men can pull off pock marks. Ray Liotta--case in point. Bryan rocked "Summer of 69" and "Cuts Like a Knife" I felt like I was back at Lake Hefner in a car NOT making out with a boy. HA!
A singer named Ryan Coleman ( I hope I have that right) opened for them and he was very cool. I will check out his stuff soon.

I will leave you with the funniest things I saw last night--One particularly drunk mandal clad man had on a shirt that said "Grabberbootie and Pinch" It was set up like an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt. I was cracking up. I still have not figured out if it is really that funny, or if the beer was just really good! The other funny thing I saw was a Harley riding mullet man wearing a shirt that said "If my motorcycle could blow me, I would never go home". How romantic.
Midwesterners are WEIRD.

*** no offense to anyone who lives in the Midwest. My blog is for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. But ya'll still need a little lip gloss and some cute shoes!


Blogger Sand said...

My sister's biggest pet peeve is mandals, if you were to kill someone wearing mandals it would be justifiable homicide after all!

The biggest crime out here is people who wear clothes that are too tight, so tight as a matter of fact that you hear the seems ripping as they sit down.

Did Bryan Adams sing Heaven? Oh I love that song. All those songs take me back to my childhood!

11:33 PM  
Blogger Annieytown said...

This was hilarious.

Well in still dress like they are members of the rock band Journey. Feather back mullets,acid wash jean jacket with patches,tight straight leg jeans in various washes,and concert t-shirts from Journey,Huey Lewis and the news and Styxx.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Jonniker said...

In Boston, we have Fila jumpsuits and track shoes. Everyone thinks they're Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting. And while I think that is truly awful, I'm thanking my lucky stars that they aren't wearing Mandals. Sweet Jesus.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Tania said...


I have such memories of blasting Def Leppard out of the car stereo and shrieking out the words.

Remember when "Pour Some Sugar On Me" was the #1 most requested video on MTV for about 35 years?

7:50 PM  
Blogger Tania said...

Oh, and by the way, my NYC pet peeve is all the people who dress better than me, all the time. That's right, fashionista girls. I'm talking to you. Took you five hours to put that MK Olsen boho outfit together, didn't it? Grrrrr.

(See? The fashion knife cuts both ways.)

7:52 PM  
Blogger katiedid said...

Gunter glieben glauchen globen

I still wear Doc's. I do. And I don't care what they look like, although I do have a cute little pair right now, asymetrical square toed in brown. Anyhow, my feet are most comfortable in them, and wearing Doc's seems to keep my knees and back from hurting. My other usual footwear choice is Birkenstocks, so you'd probably die groaning at the sheer unprettiness if you ever saw my shoe basket.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Parisjasmal said...


Different strokes for different folks. Like I said, my blog is for entertainment purposes only.
I have no problem with Birkies at all.
Have a great day!

4:54 AM  
Blogger WinterWheat said...


There is a car around here with the following vanity plate:


What I find hysterical is the 2. It suggests that SOMEONE ELSE already claimed DEF LEP 1.

I hope it was a good concert. You should know that the fashion trends you're observing aren't really Midwest-wide. Chicagoland has its very own fashion, accent, values, and so on. I find a lot of Chicago 'burb dwellers to be coarse and unrefined yet snobbish, a highly unattractive combination. I don't think I'll ever get used to living in Illinois. I could not BELIEVE the behavior of the Bears fans who came down to Champaign for NFL games while their stadium was being redone. Hostile, violent, blunt, abrasive, threatening. Almost as bad as Ohio State fans. *shudder*

But the Chicago shoppin' is good. :-)

7:29 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Wow, interesting observations about the Midwest. I moved to Chicago a year ago, I'm from allover too and don't really have a place to call "home", but I love it here so far. Of course, I'm clueless about the suburbs and guess they have their own culture and all.

3:43 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just moved to Chicago and after seeing 3 people on the bus (at different times) today reading books about chicago sports teams, I came home and decided to google "Midwesterners are weird." Your blog popped up and gave me a giggle. Hilarious.

8:25 PM  

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