Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Folks that make a monkey laugh


This my friend Curtis. Curtis is an actor. In Hollywood (obligatory eye roll). I have known Curtis a very long time--since our days in Oklahoma. I have a theory that all males who move to Los Angeles to "act" who are seemingly straight, become a little squirrelly. It is like something about Los Angeles just brings out the femme in all men. I read that there are more men in capri pants per capita in Los Angeles than in any other city in the world.

You can tell by the picture that Curtis is a strapping young man who, in his words "has athleticism". He recently took a trip to Las Vegas where he informed me that the guys he was with (who were from Texas) wanted to drink vodka and Red Bull, but not Curtis....nope. Curtis wanted to drink Kahlua and coffee. Bless his heart. What is it with L.A. and all the coffee?
I really hope Curtis does not get highlights in his hair or manicures. Please Curtis, do not tell me that you get your eyebrows threaded or waxed--but if you do can you tell me who you go to? Thanks. I go to Damone Roberts and he is fab.
Kahlua and coffee.... in Vegas.... on a guys weekend--Seriously Curtis? That is just squirrely.


Another guy friend who moved to LA to "act", wrote me a letter one time and told me he was writing to me instead of writing in his journal--WRITING IN HIS JOURNAL???? Do straight men write in journals? I mean I know all about metrosexuals and all that, but boys with journals? Day Planner even sounds more masculine.


To all you movie producers and or directors who are reading this right now (I happen to have a HUGE movie producer fan base on my blog)if you are making any movies about World War II, or any war for that matter --Please contact Curtis. Also, if you need anyone to hum /sing the score to any Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western--Please contact Curtis.
AND--if you need anyone to critique the cowboy hats in Brokeback Mountain and tell you what unconvincingly gay cowboys Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal are- PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD--contact Curtis!

I happen to think Curtis looks a lot like Christopher Reeve (RIP), and I think he would make a great Superman. And, if I were a betting woman, I would bet Curtis could carry a flame thrower.

*I know Curtis is not gay--he is married to a lovely lady and he has 2 adorable sons, but he ripped on my blog--"hole in the wall face cream stores", so this is payback--and I warned him first--and he gave me PERMISSION to use his headshot.*

*My blog is for entertainment purposes only--so no offense to anyone with a penis living in or around Los Angeles County. *

*Hi Curtis!*

4 Comments:

Blogger lostokie said...

Monkey,

I must start by saying. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these? I must say I am actually a little disappointed. I really thought you were going to lay into me there, but you fell short. It is very funny, though not all true. I'll call Lauren Michaels as a return shout out too all the producers that will be banging down my door because of your post. I must correct you on a few points first.
a) I don't own any Capri pants. I'm all t-shirts and blue jeans mama.

b) I only said I wanted to drink Kahlua and coffee. I proceeded to get extremely hammered on Grey Goose and Red Bull. The reason I wanted to drink K/C was so that I could sustain an easy going buzz and enjoy the night looking at the Go-Go dancers. Not do what I did. Which was ruining my body’s ability to produce saliva for the next two days with no real recollection of the night’s events?

c) I am all about squirrelly baby and I was before I ever got to L.A. (Lifting one eyebrow) you should know, baby!

d) You must explain the carrying the flamethrower bit or not mention it at all. Do I need to tell you how that comment alone makes me sound; without the rest of the blog questioning my sexual orientation?

e) Thanks for the Chris Reeve quote. I know that you say that to be nice. Now I have to stop riding horses. Thank you. You are so sweet and I enjoy your quirky sense of humor.

I was wondering on your past post about the shoes...which one of those feet was yours? There was a lot of color on dem-der-feets!

If you come to LA again without calling me...I will cut you!

Peace and chicken grease,
Curtis (monkey man)

Did you know that monkey is my favorite word and I used to be nicknamed monkey man?

Name this movie quote:
HAMBURGER!!!

11:35 PM  
Blogger lostokie said...

Well...you just proved without a doubt you are from Oklahoma. You just quoted Coca Cola Cowboy? I think it is great but, what do you do for an encore...Delta Dawn, Louisiana Saturday Night, or Daydreams About Night Things?

Personally I would do - You're The Reason God Made Oklahoma.

"Here the city lights outshine the mountains - I was just now thinking of you."

"I'm still missing you."

1:58 PM  
Blogger Parisjasmal said...

Lost Okie-
HA! I thought I was pretty ruthless, sorry to disappoint you!

I gotcha about the Kahulua and coffee--but your story is not as funny. By the way, they are called STRIPPERS--Go Go dancers became extinct in the 60's!

Sorry I did not clarify the flamethrower comment. Allow me to do that now:

Dear Gentle Readers-
Curtis was up for a movie part that was about war. The part in the movie required the character to carry a flamethrower. Well the guy that got cast was so weak, little (and squirrelly) that he had to have a stand in/stunt man carry the flamethrower for him--so my point was that they should have cast Curtis because in his wifebeater you can see that he has muscles and he could have carried that damn flamethrower.

Strange thing: I have another friend that I call monkey/monkey man/monkey butt et al. I had no idea folks used to call you that!
It is my favorite word too. I use it all the time!

The feet that belong to me in the picture are the feet that look like WINNERS! I have on the pink swirly wedges. Wedge = sandals with big heel.

Ok--you crack me up. You referenced an old school Ronnie Milsap tune in your 2nd post!!!!!!
The scary thing is I know every word to every song you mentioned.

"All day long while I'm workin in town, time slows down to a crawl. If I'm not thinking about you, I'm checkin' the clock on the wall."

"Santa Monica Freeway sometimes makes a country girl bluuuuuueeeeee" Hilarious!!!

"Well you get down the fiddle and you get down the bow..."

There is a station on Sirius Radio called Roadhouse and they play all the old school country. I am ashamed to say I can totally jam on it! Seriously Curtis--I know every word to every song you mentioned. Some of them I have not heard in years--but I know them.

I must think on the Hamburger movie quote. It isn't Goodburger is it? Shout out to Keenan and Kel!

You go David Frizzell~!

1:27 PM  
Blogger lostokie said...

Monkey,

You did get me on the Kahlua/Coffee. You're wrong--they are called Go-Go Dancers. We were at the VOODOO LOUNGE not SCORES.

Since shoes are a major portion of your life--I will refrain from making any comments on the picture. No...I swear, I'm not going to say anything. I'm serious I will not comment. I must not comment! Please GOD--give me the power not to comment on the many colors in that one shoe! You see...leave it in God's hands and anything is possible(sarcasm). For some reason I am very interested in seeing the rest of the woman who owns the foot -- picture right. Nice! I think that you put that picture up knowing about some men’s foot fetish. You dirty little @#%&*!

I would never quote Goodburger. Please, I have more taste than that. The movie has a certain actor/comedian who was very successful in the 80s. I thought of this quote, because of something you said in one of your past posts. BIG HINT!!!

I’ll sing you out Buck Owens style!

Their gonna put me in the movies-
Their gonna make a big star outta me-
He’ll make a film about a man who is sad and lonely-
And all I gotta do is – Act Naturally

3:24 PM  

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