Thursday, September 01, 2005

Done been Oprah'd

Remember a couple of months ago when Oprah was in Paris and she went to the Hermes Boutique and was turned away because they were having a private event? Well, the same thing happened to me in Los Angeles this past week. Sometimes it *shocks* me at how in sync Oprah and I are. I went to a certain boutique where one of my friends works, only to be told they were closed for a special private event. I did get to go in for a few minutes, but then quickly got kicked out because "the P.R. people were arriving". So, in a way my situation was even worse because Oprah did not get let in- only to be kicked out. When I told my husband what happened he said "HA you got Oprah'd!" Hilarious. Unlike Oprah I cannot blame my getting kicked out on race-- as the boutique owner and all the employees were Caucasian folk- just like little old me.

My trip to L.A. was very eventful, hot, and tiring. I will spare you some of the details because like they say--What happens 269 miles from Las Vegas stays 269 miles from Las Vegas-HA!

First off, I stayed at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. It is a lovely hotel, with a great old school Hollywood history. Some of the employees however, liked to congregate at the end of the hall I was on and talk LOUDLY for hours in the middle of the night. I complained, and am still curious as to what the hell is so interesting at the end of the 7th floor. All in all I would stay there again as it is right in the heart of Beverly Hills and directly across the street from Rodeo Drive, -thus very convenient to many, many things.

The second day I was there I had my eyebrows waxed and my eyelashes tinted by Damone Roberts ( He is a lovely man with a lovely studio that happened to be across the street from the Beverly Wilshire. I left with lush black lashes, and perfectly arched brows. His services are a little pricey, but I was treated like a queen --so I say -worthy of every penny.
Later that day I got my hair colored, cut and coiffed at B2V Salon on Doheny Drive. Doheny is not walking distance from the Beverly Wilshire so I HAD TO DRIVE. The mere thought of driving in L.A. made me break out in hives.

The wonderful Kim Vo at B2V colored my hair and gave me all sorts of recommendations to posh eateries and cool bars. I totally loved him and will go back to him someday in the future. He is very much in demand, so I had to wait a while to get in to see him, it was a good half hour past my appointment time. Next, Michael John cut my locks and blew them dry with big round brushes--as in plural--many brushes. That felt strange. Michael John and I bonded over deep religious chatter. He is a wayward Mormon (waves to Dooce), and he answered a lot of questions I had about the Mormon faith. Other Mormons have, in the past, been offended when I ask why they have SO MANY CHILDREN--but not Michael John. He told me straight away that he is a born teacher--bless his heart! Not only is he a born teacher about the Mormon faith, but he is also wickedly funny. When he was done with all the Mormon chat and plural brushes, I had what looked like big Marie Osmond hair . I am assuming he got carried away with all the talk of his Mormon upbringing in Salt Lake City, and waxed brushetic all about Marie Osmond his grade school crush--no wait, he probably had a crush on Donny--whatever- my hair was smashing. I was so confident with my big Osmond hair and my previous driving experience that I decided to get brave and drive to Robertson and Melrose to shop. I made it there no problem. I shopped at Kitson, Madison, Mac Pro, Lisa Klein ETC-but when I got ready to leave I FORGOT WHERE I PARKED MY DAMN CAR. I ended up walking around for an hour in the 99 degree heat looking for the damn car. Blisters on my feet, I finally found the damn car only to figure out I did not know how to start it. You see, it was a brand new fancy damn rental car that I had not needed to start before because it had been delivered to me at the hotel and at B2V by valet. It had a key, but it was more like a laser key. If you wanted the damn car to actually start, while pointing the key at the ignition, you also had to press on the break and push a button, all the while making sure that your aura was facing in the direction of Jupiter. I had no idea Bavarian Motor Works made magic cars--bastards! So here it is 99 degrees, and I cannot get the car started. It was VERY embarrassing! I finally figured it out and proceeded to drive back to the hotel only to be caught in the endless circle that is Pico/La Cienega/Robertson/Melrose Blvd. I am sure part of the reason I got lost is because my aura was still facing towards Jupiter, when it needed to be facing towards Beverly Hills. Bitch aura. I could not for the life of me find Wilshire, and I was scared to make a wrong turn or deviate too far. I have heard Ralphie May ( talk about the horrors of Adams and Crenshaw and I DID NOT want to make a wrong turn and end up there. I kept circling and circling.....and circling. On one of my lost circles I was driving down Melrose and I passed The Improv (8162 Melrose Ave). One of my favorite people and shameful crushes Gary Gulman ( was outside in a bright peach shirt signing autographs. I took it as a sign from God that I would someday find my hotel. After a while I finally found Wilshire (Thanks to God and Gary Gulman). I was so happy, delirious, and disoriented that I turned the wrong way. I did not realize I turned the wrong way for a long time though. I kept seeing signs that read "Magnificent Mile". In Chicago, the Magnificent Mile is where all the shopping is, so I assumed I was going in the right direction to Beverly Hills. It was not until I saw the faux mammoths coming out of the La Brea Tar Pits that I realized I was not headed towards Beverly Hills. Accidentally finding the La Brea Tar Pits just happened to be one of many unexpected cool things about my trip to L.A.

That night my husband and I went to eat at AGO (8478 Melrose Ave-corner of Melrose and La Cienega). Reservations are essential on the weekends as it is a very popular restaurant. It is owned by Robert DeNiro, Ridley Scott, and Harvey Weinstein. We had reservations for 9pm, and at that time it was very crowded and loud--but in a good way. As we were walking in, Sharon Stone was right in front of us--I mean seriously, I saw where the extensions were glued into her hair I was so close. She is absolutely GORGEOUS. Very thin, and very pretty. The first thing my husband said was "She smells good, what perfume is she wearing?" HA. I could not tell what perfume she was wearing, but I wish I would have asked her.
The service at AGO was great--especially for how crowded they were. My husband and I both started with the artichoke salad with fresh shaved Parmesan. It was not impressive. The artichokes tasted like they were straight out of a can. Nothing special. For our entrees, my husband had the mushroom ravioli. It was in a marsala wine sauce and the flavor was excellent. I had the white fish with spinach. To be honest I make better fish and spinach at home. It was very insipid. The wine was good, and seeing Sharon Stone made up for the mediocre food. In my humble opinion, the food at In & Out Burger is better.....and cheaper. However, the atmosphere (or scene as they say in L.A)cannot be beat at AGO.

The next day we went to the desert--pretty uneventful and very hot. Thank God Michael John taught me how to "work the desert" the day before--HA! I guess all the cool folks in L.A. go and "work the desert" on the weekends. Only in California!

Sunday morning early my husband went home, so I had the day to shop with my friends. My lovely friend Barbara came to get me early and we went to the Getty Museum. I was so excited--first to spend time with Barb, and second because I have always wanted to go to the Getty. It was beautiful. The gardens are so lovely and peaceful. There was a Rembrandt exhibit going on so that was a treat. After the Getty, Barb and I headed to Santa Monica for shopping. We met 2 other lovely friends, D and Ang (Thanks again for the Freesia perfume Ang) there for lunch and shopping at Fred Segal. Much fun was had by all. Later that afternoon Sweet D asked if I would like to go to the MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) to see the Basquiat Exhibit. Two museums in one day --WOW! I was very excited to go. I knew very little about Basquiat. Let me just tell you that it was a wonderfully creepy exhibit. Jean Michel Basquiat died of a drug overdose at the age of 27. Such a shame. I thoroughly enjoyed engaging with D about Basquiat's work.
Upon leaving the museum, D and I just happened to be in a commercial. For Ameritrade. Yes, we worked it like we owned it! Too bad I had already washed the remains of Marie Osmond out of my hair. It would have looked so good on camera.

As for you nosy nosertons who asked what I purchased-- I got a purse at Barneys from a new designer named Alrid Suba. Very unique, very soft leather.
At Fred Segal I got a pair of denim gauchos, a pair of earrings, and some green tea toothpaste. It is from a new line of toothpastes. Palette something or another. I also got a new pair of True Religion jeans somewhere--I think Saks. As for fragrance I got Frederic Malle Musc Ravageur, Malle Noir Espices. I also got Truly. It is nice.

All in all, it was a great trip. But I think next time I get a hankerin' to shop I will head to NYC. They know me in NYC, so there is less of a chance of getting Oprah'd --HA!


Blogger katiedid said...

That was hilarious. Especially the aura bits. Great piece of writing you posted. Good lord, thanks for the case of the giggles you just gave me!

6:47 PM  
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5:11 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Just passing thru & saw your blog. Great Blog! I'll check back!

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2:54 PM  
Blogger Jonniker said...

OMG, this was hilarious. Thanks for this, and I love the visual of you with Marie Osmond hair!

3:29 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Loved meeting you, Jen!

Great report of your trip, and of the picture from the tar pits.


4:31 PM  
Blogger Annieytown said...

This sounds like a great trip!
I am jealous that you got to meet Barbara,Diane and Angela!
Did you and Ang compare sexy pants? HA

I am slightly stunned that you did not do a 180 turn and stop to attack Gulman or whatever his name is. Papillon would have! I guess she is the true fan.(Just sassing you P)

I am glad that you had a wonderful time. Now I hope that one day you are forced to come to Cleveland. the Ohio girls will show you a good time. The shopping will not be as good as LA or NYC but we have great food.

PS: Did Stone look like she has had work done? She has been looking very odd to me.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Sand said...

I loved it! Thanks for sharing. Pity about being Oprah'd but it's a sign that you've made it! :)

4:04 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I can't believe that Oprah thing because such a huge deal!!! I am totally dying of laughter that it made it back to the states!


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