Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Right on Target.


Have you ever been to Target to pick up Diet Mountain Dew and you did not want to go because you do not even like Diet Mountain Dew but your husband wants some and you want to be a good spouse and all, but it is also raining, and you know once you are in Target you will find all sorts of other stuff you do not need, and spend way too much money?

Then while you are in Target meandering with your red cart you keep running into the same person, and you are thinking to yourself "This man is totally following me". Then thoughts of Ted Bundy run through your mind. You run into him again and he makes eye contact then you start thinking "Oh my God, maybe he thinks I am following him". Then you get all embarrassed and self conscious. Then in the midst of your paranoia you see him again in the CD's and you think " Oh my God this man is security (he must be, who actually shops for CD's at Target?) and he is following me because he thinks I am stealing". You freak out, get a little indignant, take refuge in the tampon aisle, take a deep breath, then you get a hold of yourself.
So, you decide to get a coffee at the Starbucks located in Target so you can lose him...Then the coffee is not hot enough. I hate when the coffee is not hot enough. I like to stretch my 3 dollar coffee drink out for a while, so if it is not hot enough in the beginning then it just gets cold too quickly, and then I get bitter about paying 3 dollars for a mediocre, lukewarm coffee. Then I just get pissed about the whole Starbucks big corporation putting smaller business out of business and taking over the world thing.

So has this sort of thing happened to you- AND you were wearing jeans that are too long? And as I mentioned before it is raining and so everytime you take a step, you are stepping on the wet matted denim under you heel from the too long part of the jeans? You try to fold them under in a feeble attempt to quit walking on them, but they are wet...So they will not fold, they just keep wadding up under the heel of your shoe?

Then as you are walking around with your coffee you start getting hot and you need to take your rain jacket off, but you remember you have on low rise jeans and surely after walking on the too long bottom of the jeans for an hour they are half-way down your bum (low risers do this folks) so you cannot take your jacket off or you will flash the stroller brigade trapseing through Target. And you could hike your jeans up while still wearing the coat, but that would just look stupid.
And you are afraid the stalker/security guy would see you and think you are flirting with him or that you are totally weird. Even though he is a homely, stalkery guy shopping for CD's at Target, you live in the suburbs and your life is really lackluster, so sometimes maybe getting attention from a Target weirdo is the highlight of you day, and heaven forbid you have bad manners in front of him and hike your jeans up--because my God he may become disenchanted, then what would you do?

Yup, that was pretty much my morning. Has that ever happened to you?

4 Comments:

Blogger melanie said...

Hey, I shop for CDs at Target. I love one-stop shopping. I would never just go to a music store or a video store anymore. I'm more apt to buy them online, but I've got nothing against buying anything at Target--my CC bill will prove that. I used to swear I could not get out of there without spending $50. Now it is $120 since they have all these SuperTargets with grocery stores inside them now. I pass 3 on my way home from work. Today I went with a list of garbage bags, Diet Coke, and paper towels. I spent $77, Bwah! I got off "easy" because I had just been there 3 days ago.

Anyhow, I think it is really funny you didn't want to roll up your pants in front of an anonymous guy. Is one of your secrets a fear of bending over in public? It sounds like it :^p

9:47 PM  
Blogger lostokie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Parisjasmal said...

Melanie,
I am with you on spending too much at Target! I go there all the time. I was so happy when they built a Super Target by me, but I do find their produce to be sub par.
I buy all my CD's online or from Borders and Barnes & Noble.
Yes, I do have an aversion to bending over--publically or privately!


C-Dawg-
YOU SUCK! There is not meds involved!
No, it is not THAT boring...I am just THAT creative! HA! It *is* rather boring here, but rather than sit around a smoke crack to fight the boredom, I do creative writing.
I do many things during the day besides entertain you with my highly creative blogging. I clean, cook, work, etc.
Yes, I always thought that was why you did not become a millionaire.

3:41 AM  
Blogger lostokie said...

You are funny! I like it when I feel like I might have really pissed you off. It is probably good I didn't have a sister growing up.

You can find some good deals on line for CDs. But by the time you pay for shipping and handling you might as well have paid full price at the store. Not unless you are trying to get that hard to find out of print Krush Groove CD from Jr. High. Barnes and Noble is not a book/music store. It is a rape room! Too expensive! But at least you don't have to bend over. They'll rape you standing up.

Oh, thank you! I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your bartenders and waitress.

9:17 AM  

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