Right on Target.
Have you ever been to Target to pick up Diet Mountain Dew and you did not want to go because you do not even like Diet Mountain Dew but your husband wants some and you want to be a good spouse and all, but it is also raining, and you know once you are in Target you will find all sorts of other stuff you do not need, and spend way too much money?
Then while you are in Target meandering with your red cart you keep running into the same person, and you are thinking to yourself "This man is totally following me". Then thoughts of Ted Bundy run through your mind. You run into him again and he makes eye contact then you start thinking "Oh my God, maybe he thinks I am following him". Then you get all embarrassed and self conscious. Then in the midst of your paranoia you see him again in the CD's and you think " Oh my God this man is security (he must be, who actually shops for CD's at Target?) and he is following me because he thinks I am stealing". You freak out, get a little indignant, take refuge in the tampon aisle, take a deep breath, then you get a hold of yourself.
So, you decide to get a coffee at the Starbucks located in Target so you can lose him...Then the coffee is not hot enough. I hate when the coffee is not hot enough. I like to stretch my 3 dollar coffee drink out for a while, so if it is not hot enough in the beginning then it just gets cold too quickly, and then I get bitter about paying 3 dollars for a mediocre, lukewarm coffee. Then I just get pissed about the whole Starbucks big corporation putting smaller business out of business and taking over the world thing.
So has this sort of thing happened to you- AND you were wearing jeans that are too long? And as I mentioned before it is raining and so everytime you take a step, you are stepping on the wet matted denim under you heel from the too long part of the jeans? You try to fold them under in a feeble attempt to quit walking on them, but they are wet...So they will not fold, they just keep wadding up under the heel of your shoe?
Then as you are walking around with your coffee you start getting hot and you need to take your rain jacket off, but you remember you have on low rise jeans and surely after walking on the too long bottom of the jeans for an hour they are half-way down your bum (low risers do this folks) so you cannot take your jacket off or you will flash the stroller brigade trapseing through Target. And you could hike your jeans up while still wearing the coat, but that would just look stupid.
And you are afraid the stalker/security guy would see you and think you are flirting with him or that you are totally weird. Even though he is a homely, stalkery guy shopping for CD's at Target, you live in the suburbs and your life is really lackluster, so sometimes maybe getting attention from a Target weirdo is the highlight of you day, and heaven forbid you have bad manners in front of him and hike your jeans up--because my God he may become disenchanted, then what would you do?
Yup, that was pretty much my morning. Has that ever happened to you?